Part 3: we got the horse head on amazon

Read: Part 2: this is our first internet date!

Next date! I honestly had forgotten about this one – it was with this artsy Israeli couple, where we had previously discussed making an irl version of Hieronymus Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights:


For ref:


We met at a bar in E Williamsburg that they later told me they take all their dates to because the waitstaff turns over a lot. Then they told me about various sex parties they had gone to, including one that was full of “60 year old burners” which: ew.

So at this point I didn’t realize that the threesome was happening THAT NIGHT until they were like ok so after this wanna go have another drink at our place?? And I was like o ok

Go to apt, they have this crazy Japanese whisky that was dope. Talking about more adventures we’ve all had I was like oh I have friends that have seen my nudes I posted on reddit once just for purely narcissistic reasons ¬†and the messages I got were RIDIC. Then I showed them and let me tell you it is one thing to send your nudes to your friends it is another to have people look at them right in front of you. They showed me some of theirs too but they were wearing horse masks with another girl – which, yes, amazon.

Anyway at this point the dude is like “can I kiss you??” and I was like o shit it’s starting so I was like ok ya and we started making out. Then his gf comes in and honestly having never made out with a couple before I was like yo I can see how you’re like…complementary in styles (lol). Then I had to take my pants off bc they were REALLY TIGHT but also like that point was gonna come anyway. Also we took selfies bc I forgot I had red lipstick on.

Oh and I’m covered in bruises from falling down the stairs so I had to be like “cool I’m not a battered woman”

Ok so we’re like all making out and honestly there is no way for this to go smoothy bc its a real two person game so eventually we transition over to their room and they have like A LOT OF LEGIT SEX SHIT. So he starts going down on her and I was like cool fine by me but then he pops up and gets a vibe and is like a man with a fucking plan – v smart. So he’s going down on her and using the vibe on me at the same time so no one is left out. Meanwhile this girl and I are straight up HOLDING HANDS bc like duh stimulation and honestly it was kinda cool and weird at the same time.

So then he comes over with this like weird stainless metal curved dealio and uses THAT on me and later I was like uh what was that and apparently it’s a g spot stimulator and it weighs 2 pounds (Him: “this was inside of you!”). Ok so then I was like ughhh all I want to do is try bondage is that so hard and he was like oh we can do that.

Ok so restrains come out and I’m face down and they went and got ICE out and that was STRANGE because it was like so uber smooth and cold. Then he asked the gf if he could fuck me and she was like um yeah not my call and i was like well it is also cool by me. So that starts up – I’m face down getting fucked and they’re making out and honestly, gr8 plan. A lot of this was like a lesson in logistics lol. At one point he asked if i was bored and I was honestly offended because I would certainly hope I didn’t seem bored by all this.

So then we stop and I was like y’all can fuck now I’m cool to just hang for a sec so she starts sucking his dick and honestly she was SKILLED so I literally was just watching and getting tips/making out w the dude. We eventually put him in the restraints and pulled them TIGHT so he really couldn’t move. It ended up where I was kind of sitting near his hand and hovering over him while she went down on him and he would just kind of…touch what he could? Nibble around? He kept complaining that he really couldn’t move but it was v fun just like watching him squirm around. At one point he just kind of made a fruitless gesture so I nicely placed my boob in his hand because he couldn’t reach.

So eventually she stops for a minute bc he’s like too sensitive and now here are more screenshots:


Omg that fucking soap. I SMELLED SO GOOD. We all showered together and that shower was not made for 3 people but worth it for the bath products. Also there was a period where we were just standing around naked and he would stand behind me and just like make a hand-bra and it was so comforting lol. Hands and boobs were just meant to go together ok.

Also this girl had fucking amazing boobs she was so qt but he was like a crazy puppy and she was like this chill observer – can def see that as their relationship dynamic. So we like made out and would talk but he was really the impetus for things. I liked that they did this all the time because it really seemed like they both knew the role they liked in threesomes.


the last text under the pics says “THERE’S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM”

I have 3 tinder dates coming up (tonight thru friday) and then another couple date (a+k from the date) so stay tuuuuuned


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