Part 4: that’s my fuck mirror

Read Part 3: we bought the horse head on amazon!

So after the horse head couple from Tuesday night I had tinder dates Wednesday thru Friday. The first one was such a dud that I don’t even have any relevant screenshots about it. This dude did have a glorious beard and I discovered a really good bar – next to Dynaco – called Take It or Leave It that instead of giving you peanuts gives you an assortment of delicious chips INCLUDING CHILI CHEESE FRITOS fuck yeah.

Yeah, when we split ways I was just like “bye dude” peace forever. There aren’t even screenshots to document around this date!!

Ok so next dude was Peruvian, which, cool, but he full on told me that he was horrible in school and called himself dumb. Also I asked him what he did and he totally already told me which, yikes, bad move self. We also were at a bar at like…6:30 and he had a beer, a shot, my shot, and then a cocktail. I was dying and sent out an SOS but then the good sweet baby jesus intervened on my behalf:


Ok so what’s cut off there is that he offered me eye shit at his apt and I was just like ummm gotta thx but no. Legit was most happy that I wasn’t gonna be out late.


So I went on a date in Bushwick where we got a drink at a bar before, then went to an underground comedy show that was in someone’s basement in a random apt building. SO FUCKING BK RIGHT. Then we went to a bar where the cocktails were on tap. Dope dope dope. This dude and I had been texting a lot leading up to this week which is always a plus in my book. He also told me to get high and listen to the 10 hour XX intro on loop, same video staggered in another tab by 50 seconds. Stoners unite lol

We went back to his place to smoke, started watching The Simpsons and then it was clear we would be fucking. The first time around I was kinda concerned that we weren’t on the same wavelength sexually (aka he was a lil too nice) but then he seamlessed us chinese food at 3 am and then we ate it in his bed so a real rebound.

Also at one point he said “you feel good” and I thought he said “you fuck good” which are VASTLY different statements. He was chill. We hooked up again the next morning and there was a REAL TURN AROUND


YES. HE WAS A MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPION. Also v v recommend that ass jiggle move, like if I’m on my side knees together it’s like…idk but yeah do it.

He had a ton of Kurt Vonnegut books and the Jackson Pollock biography I read for my thesis and a bunch of other shit I was v impressed. He also had a giant mirror outside of his room which he said, verbatim, “this is my fuck mirror” because it’s so big that if it was in your room you pretty much have to watch yourself in it and trust & believe I will be returning to this fuck mirror.

The PSA of this post should be: don’t be afraid that you’re fucking on the first date too often, because then you too can awake to a joyous head experience!

Also, I was glad he was accepting of my fuck journey but, again, does not know this is a continuing journey, just one that exists at some point.

Also this is bonus evidence of how I spend my Saturdayz, text if you want to join us.

Tonight was supposed to be my part 2 with the couple from post 2 but they had to reschedule



The wishlist is still growing, who knows what I’ll think of between now and whenever this actually takes place

Part 5: if you posted this on reddit they wouldn’t believe you


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