Part 5: if you posted this on reddit, they wouldn’t believe you

Read Part 4: this is my fuck mirror

THIS IS THE MACK DADDY – I finally met up with the couple date from Part 2¬†and holy shit, what DIDN’T we do? I was at her apartment for over 6 hours.


Ok sidebar before I dig in more: that video is LEGIT. I used to not be that into getting oral until I discovered that method – I found the link on reddit and it changed so much! I decided that if I wanted any satisfaction I should figure it out for myself so I could tell dudes what to do when they vaguely asked “so what do you like” instead of just going “ummmm…Idk how to tell you”. Feminist soapbox moment: the orgasm gap is REAL and I realized I should stop just accepting that as “I’m a tough nut to crack”. Also, I love getting a reaction out of dudes when I’m going down on them so I was like…dude, practice what you preach. I’ve seriously told everyone about this instructional porn video, it’s amaze.

So the way they like to do this kind of thing is everyone has a wish list and we draw slips out of a glass to see who’s doing what. Y’all have seen my list – their stuff was more specific (like giving roles to each person), but spoiler alert IT WORKED OUT OK.

A’s lil porn trick was that he was REALLY into POV handjob porn which…ok. But I also get it. Personally, I’m into porn that feels super real and I think all 3 of us were on the same wavelength. So since we started with porn, the next one was “A gets a handjob while blindfolded + wank list”. The list was instructional but it kind of sucked? Sorry that our skillz have evolved beyond that. But it was a great way to kick things off.

Y’all. They were both so cute and hot. Like I legit wanted to fuck them both (and boy did I!). This post is hard to write because I feel like the screenshots really cover a lot.

Oh! One fun thing we did was each get assigned 2 numbers on a die and whoever got their number rolled got to be in the middle for 30 seconds, timed. 30 seconds is both a long time and an incredibly short time. I got rolled like 4 times in a row and honestly started to feel bad that I was in the middle too much. *why am I like this*

What followed was a combination of sucking/fucking in every eiffel tower combo – just a parade of face sitting. We also did kind of a chain of ass eating – which admittedly was my idea – and it was strange doing something to someone while the EXACT same sensation was happening on the other end.

Logistically, this threesome involved a lot of getting more water, more wine, more weed, and running to the bathroom from all the water and the wine. But it was SO FUN. I directed them in a little porn filmed on a phone…mean streak returns. Even though this moment I was the most “left out” it’s basically porn IRL and what’s not to love?

BUT THE HEAD. THE FINGERING. O M G. SO SKILLED. SO SO SO SKILLED. CAPS ARE IMPORTANT. THE BAR HAS BEEN RAISED, MEN OF MY LIFE. I love having sex with people who are older than 25…I have so much to learn. so so much.

I’m super proud of my head skills on both men AND women now! Tag team head is even more fun – I always wondered how that really worked (not super into blowjob porn because what good does that serve me?) and I can officially say that I have made out with a girl AROUND a dick. Seriously, this is the most porn irl scenario I have ever been in. I think I could tackle and orgy now…but only the right orgy. I’m choosy.

They offered to let me stay (so kind) and we got super stoned afterwards AND it was raining so I was v tempted, but I also live 5 minutes away (walking) so I figured I should just peace out. Also I had been laying naked in childs pose on her bed for FAR too long.




What should I do with my porn-aroids? Secret sex wall? Secret scrapbook?

Also what’s the protocol for trying to become best friends with the couple you had sex with? Where’s the porn version of Emily Post to give me some etiquette…because I would def hang again even without the sex. They’re dope.

Part 6: did we just become best friends??


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