Part 7: oh so you’ve done this before

Back with more threesome action!! Except not really!!

I recognize the whole conceit of this blog was to post screenshots so I wouldn’t have to re-type things, but now enough time has passed that the desire to go back and TAKE said screenshots is almost non-existent, so there will be none. It’s my blog and I can do what I want, dammit.

So I matched with a dude on tinder who was in an open relationship, so I almost IMMEDIATELY swooped in and asked if it was an individual thing or a threesome thing. Either, he said. It had been a minute since my last threesome (2 months!!) so I was ready to jump back in again – so ready that I willingly volunteered to go to Astoria for our couple date.

At first it was dope – I immediately identified this couple to be what I like to call “aggressively neutral” which is the best. We got margs, we chatted, we wandered around Astoria looking for a cool bar, then gave up and just bought tequila to cut to the chase. All of us were experienced ~threesome havers~ so it was mega chill. AND THEN IT WAS TOO CHILL. After going to the bathroom, I came back to the girl, J, informing me that she was not really in a mood but please, go ahead and have sex with M. Also she was leaving ok byeeee.

So a weird weird fucking swerve is when you expect to fuck 2 people but then are only going to fuck 1. It’s a total different mindset – multiple partners is like a fun game that feels good! One person is like oh shit now I feel like I should know you as a human before you put something inside me.

Spoiler alert: did not go well. It STARTED well – queen of dicksucking rises again! but then it was downhill from there. I’m putting the blame squarely on him, because one again, my blog, my rules. But also probably my fault because he was putting some real effort in but it was noooot clicking.

Both of us were just not getting with it, so we gave up and decided to watch some Simpsons and chat it out. 100% naked, btw. I’m pretty sure I had a butt plug in for a good chunk of this as well. I brought an entire tote bag of sex toys with me because I am such an amazing fucking person, but they were no replacement for being straight up horny. We talked about the open relationship life, and how they had been dating for 5 years, had threesomes, but only opened up the relationship a few months ago. So bananas.

During this entire convo I was just like…holding his dick. I will never get over how soft dick skin is. We took this opportunity to poke around in an almost scientific way – I so valiantly allowed him to practice his fingering skills and kind of told him some tricks I had learned along the way. So bam, ready to fuck again, let’s try this out.

But no!!! Total whiskey dick sitch. After awhile I was weirdly sore and didn’t even have anything to show for it, so I peaced out and accidentally left some naked polaroids. The worst part was that I turned down other plans for said threesome, because threesome trumps all, but unexpected twosome with a near stranger most certainly DOES NOT.

Getting back in the game is hard! Luckily I got invited to an orgy the next week.

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